The Royce Files

From General Photos From General Photos Now another infrequent entry into the the What Sucks series. This time I take a jab at ugly onlone adverts. And are they ugly! If you are an active Internet user, and who isn't these days, you've probably seen these guys. Those ugly mugs have been hawking services online for sometime. I am not entirely sure who they are or why those faces appear in the adverts. Neither suggests a connection to the service. A bearded guy with the annoucement "Moms Urged to go Back to School." Duh, that's a guy in the picture folks! This happens to be one of the latest interactions of the "Obama Wants Moms..." line of ads. I didn't like those ads either. It sounded like Obama was dictating an order to American mothers. Any clue who the bearded guy is? Charles Manson impersonator? Mike Meyers as the Love Doctor? Steve Carroll from Evan Almighty?  The one below is equally disturbing. It comes from the LowerMyBills ped...

I haven't done one of these in a while but I really think I should write about this one. The other day I was getting ready to go someplace. I remember placing the keys to my auto in my pocket. I vividly remember it. Well, some time passes and I finally make it out to the car, I have no key in my pocket. Strange, I knew I put them there but how on earth did they fall out? I don't remember removing the keys nor do I remember exactly which pocket I placed the keys. I scoured the car (it was open) and then the garage and then the apartment and then do it all over again. It takes nearly 2 hours and anxiety is creeping up my back. I give up and use the spare set. The keys are still missing. That sucks!

I knew about it the night before but for some reason I assumed it would only be 3 inches and some wind. Therefore I removed my studded snow tire the night before thinking that I would hit more pavement than snow pack. I was wrong. Crazy wrong. I looked out the window in the morning and saw no snow. I must have imagined I saw no snow because when I leave the apartment there is a good 4 inch cover of snow and no plowing has been done. I battle my way to work falling once but almost falling again numerous occasions. I regret removing the snow tire. I have hardly any traction. I try not to turn green and take out my rage on the city, who has lifted not a finger to remove snow in the streets much less any sidewalks. (At the time of the writing of this I have yet to notice a plow beyond the private contractors.) So it's April and spring has been with us for about 2 weeks. Blizzards like this should only happen in March not April. However, I have no hard facts as to the probability of ...

You are a young lad hoping to impress a lovely young lass. Where do you take her? A fine restaurant? A movie? A concert? The trendy coffee shop? None of those. You bring her to Wal-Mart and lolligag the evening away. In my visits to the mecca of merchandizing and materialism after 10 PM, I see gaggles of girls and boys plodding through the store together with no particular place to go. In a town still influenced by Blue Laws , there is not much amusement after 10 PM, so why not go the safest 24 hour joint in town. But Wal-Mart as a date location? Come on now, kids! Even virtual text messaging is probably better than that. And do you think you're going to make out in automotive? No way, there are cameras everywhere and you'll sure to become YouTubed by some enterprising Wal-Mart employee. What basically is lacking is any creativity. Wal-Mart does not equal a great place to spend with a lovely woman. How un-romantic!

She's been dead for weeks yet we get round the clock coverage on the proceedings on CNN. What's next? My colleague James gave the most eloquent description of this perculiarity that CNN decided to champion as news. He titles this programmming decision as: the who cares where the rapidly rotting corpse of a psuedo-celebrity is going to be buried, because people are so self centered and needy of other peoples infamy that they will let their "loved" ones decay into a slimy puddle of gelatenous goo before they would consider anyone else's feelings including the aforementioned maggot ridden cadaver show. I don't think you can an any more dead on than that. Pork bellies are more noteworthy that this pseudo-celebrity tripe.

It seems that every year the environs of the Go take a drastic plunge. I call it beyond freezing because that is pretty much what it is: temperatures that hover at -10 F and then add some wind you got "ol 40 below." It takes a lot to keep me from going outdoors and even the beyond freezing temps don't keep me indoors. I once went camping with a friend I'll call Rik in 20 below zero temperatures. It gave us both headaches. I'm not sure he has forgiven me for that adventure. Fortunately or unfortunately, I got sick as the beyond freezing season began so I could not feel guilty for not having run 3 miles in the tundratic arctic of Go. What makes matters worse is that nearly every surface is icy and so biking is even more dangerous for me. [I usually do not bike when I know the temperatures will be below 20 F] What are the drawbacks of beyond freezing, you may ask? Dryness. Yes, as the thermometer dips lower the moisture in the air disappears. Skin gets scaly and cr...