The Royce Files

No, not the XFL player from years ago, Rod Smart . Although his story could be a worthy blog entry. This entry is about a certain type of online ad you probably see once a day- the Hater's Ad. The premise of the Hater's Ad is there is some awesome new product or information and to make the viewer click through the advertiser uses a slogan like "Harvard professors hate him" or "Personal trainers hate her." It turns up the heat on the ad because it is garnering interest in why there is such an emotional reaction to this guy or gal's product. Once on the click through-you find this product which advertisers sing paeans to its miraculous powers. Let's look at few and imagine the outlandish reasons why they are hated. Poor old Clem wanted to harness the ultimate power source- little blue squares. Well then he discovers that those blue squares are making energy from the sun and viola- he's off the grid. Mr Bad Guy Power Concern does not like tha...

We've been seeing it for over 3 years now. The head turning online sidebar advertisement that has some outlandish unrelated image hawking everything from diet things to life insurance to online education. Below I follow the evolution of one them- the siren flasher lady. It actually began with the Super Hero Mrs. Obama image but slowly digressed or regressed or something. First they decided that the flashing police light would be cool. Next they altered the woman to be less nerdy and more model like. The flasher also became more orange than red and the hand moved to make one thing this character had a secret or is gasping at the ridiculousness of the ad. Finally they just cropped the head of another image we've seen online (but not reviewed here), cartoonized it and parody the position of what that image was like and keep the flasher red. And there you have it! Added 4/17/2012: Another evolution has occurred. This one is more of a Frankenstein on...

The ad agencies are still churning out head turners online in 2012. Let's look at few recent releases to the nets that will make you gasp or ponder "is this a little weird for advertising a mortgage?" Well, it looks like the market is really booming for unkept facial hair. The bearded guy here has a twinge of friendly creep vibe. This could be Brad Pitt in a few years if he kept his crazy beard going. But wait! We could be getting ripped off because we don't do the ridiculously easy trick! I have wondered how long they can keep using that line. They are selling just about everything by referring to this one trick which solves all our health, mortgage, and insurance problems. In our next ad we have a fine moustache a la Sam Elliott . This is another one of those changing image to pencil illustration ones so it gets kind of creepy. And of note, the Government is actually providing some relief to homeowners- in the form of a settlement with "Big Banks" ...

I have been on a hiatus of sorts after getting married. I am mostly internetless except for the Twitterverse. (@suspect_bill) Now we are rushing towards the holidays and so I bring you a few uglies from the last few months. TrendMicro joins the fray with this one which may be photoshopped a bit to give the gal a bit more shock and awe. I am unsure why she is so shocked or is portraying a "Nooo Face." I guess is that a virus infiltrated her computer and sent gritty e-mails to all her business contacts.  Columbia Sportswear brings us an entry of a woman with a similar reaction but a bit more provactive. It seems to suggest that this lady has been thrown out naked in the cold with only the jacket to keep her warm. Her stance also seems to suggest she may be going into labor- or perhaps she has already been in labor and gave birth to the jacket.   The RealAge people really knew that this type of ad would draw many to their services to determine just how old y...

Now another installment of my look at ugly online ads that are on the 'nets. Now that campaign season is underway anything that attractions the disgruntled citizen is sure to be fair game. And official Obama ads are cropping up right next to the ugly ones. Albeit the real Obama ads are fairly clean cut stuff usually tempting the viewer by asking them to "join the team" or "Obama needs your help." For some reason the opposing candidates don't get into that stuff. Perhaps if Tim Pawlenty begged for help in an online ad he would not have returned home sad and morose. Well, here is an interesting riff on one we saw not too long ago. It is the super hero first lady but not she has become even more super by having a rotating light on her noggin. It must have been the illustrator's day off at the ad agency. Joe decided he knew how to make another ad by using his photoshop skills. Viola! Emergency Super First Lady. And all it required was a few clicks....

An now another exciting installment of Ugly Online Ads. In our last post we were seeing the Obamavertment making a comeback and the old also getting more ads. Well we got a little more of that and then some. Our first is a scary looking lady. I think this was used to sell a miracle wrinkle cream or perhaps a sleep reducing program. I think it may do better as an advertisement for a Star Trek convention. The make-up job on this lady reminds me of some alien that Captain Kirk romanced. Next we got an old guy and an ad invoking the powers of the chief executive of the United States. The thing about this ad that I can't capture for this blog is when you hover over it the old guy begins to turn into a line drawn version. Makes it rather eery and odd further creating the disconnection to the object of the advertisement but drawing us to the ad because of its sheer weirdness.   Our final ad a friend brought to my attention last week. It was on Yahoo for a day or so and I haven't s...

 It was a pretty sparse blog in June, but here comes July with an explosion. An explosion of Ugly Online Ads! Our first specimen today is the return of the Obamavertment. Since the guy who has name like his was killed the Prez's credibility for ads has risen. Of cource I am not sure this one has a hidden political statement in it. The man looks rather disinterested in the reduction that the President supposedly has made. His response sort of sounds like "Meh. More reductions. What's new?" Mr. Disinterest is pretty well dressed for one of these ads. I would suspect he may have been a college administrator in another life. Next in line is Mudman. Scary new ad hero. Watch out during campaign season, this guy will be throwing himself around freely. And speaking of super heroes, looks as if somebody wants to give Mrs. President a cut of the online ad biz with this resemblance. I have seen Mr. Obama as a super hero but his spouse is rarely depicted. Anyways, she looks l...

After a slight lull in the action the Ugly Ads are...still coming. It's been a busy month and all but I've come across a few we can dissect here. Since the Osama raid, Obama's popularity has risen although this ad does not invoke the name it only refers to a President- perhaps the bank's president did this. This photo shopped picture is pretty ugly. Of course the fake eyes really does this one in as well has the mushed mouth. Grandma is going to gag since she can't sleep. But this new shocking secret is sure the help- it's on the internet so it must work. I can't believe the President wants to be associated with these adverts. This guy is downright creepy. Looks like he might work in the dungeon of terror or the a haunted house. In fact he does not look quite real. Looks as if he is made of wax. Believe me, the only reason for these mugs is to get someone to looks and perhaps click. Getting your attention is the game advertisers are playing on the n...

These images just keep coming although they've leveled off recently or being re-run into oblivion. But I'll  keep you abreast on new developments in the use of ugly, weird, and off the wall. Anything to get a click through. Here we have a somewhat reformed caveman. Not sure why they teased his hair into a fro. Certainly a weird one and one done for a more notable customer- Trans Union. Still there the bank you'll likely find in your local mall next to the restrooms. The one that sounds so - unbanklike. In fact it sort of sound like a new gender free word for a marriage- "Hi, we're getting Transunioned." Next, this one is keeping bald guys who look like Chris Elliot in employment. I guess this is as normal as it gets with these ads if its not a female being employed for eye candy. Perhaps this guy is the weird teeth safety glasses guy. Anyways don't want to get your identity stolen by him. He's got a bit of creepy. Must be the beard. Finally, we ...

 They are back at it again. The ad men (and gals) are using redirection to grab your attention. It must be the greatest discovery made in all online advertising- make it ugly or weird or outlandish and you will get clicks. Since I know their game I refuse to give him the satisfaction of getting a few cents more for a click. But let's dig into our set for today. The one on our left I call "surprised by the mortgage." It is an animated one but I captured the terror of model at the height of mortgage discover. Quite a few online ads are using the animation/vid style but mostly the rocking head guys or the gal running. But this one rocks. After a few cycles through, you too could be haunted by low mortgage rates.  Ever since the Simpsonize me app came out years ago- must be 3- a ton of clones followed with terrorizing results. Well, they need to advertise too. Remember the economy is hard on us all- even in the cartoonizing apps market. This sample from an app th...

 Online ad strategy seems to be shifting a wee bit as Ugly is being superceded by bizzarre or 2nd look type images. Yet they are hawking lots of the same junk: mortgages and education and dark secrets to lose weight. Newer entries into the market have been for sleep disorders. Out first today on the left still keeps a smidge on the ugly side but certainly is pushing for bizzare. She appears more like a hot alien from Star Trek or other Sci-Fi franchise that the commanding officer would woo only to fall prey to her evil plans. I think she would like the mortage for the whole earth and not just a piece of real estate in Lake County, Illinois. Our 2nd entry just doesn't get any respect, mostly due to the fact they use a Rodney Dangerfield impersonator and photoshop the eyes. It is certain to make you click away to the nether regions of the internets to fall asleep. I think Rodney is sleeping well. Now we get to the 1 weird trick/tip variety. Here again the agency is employi...

 Nothing like a little make-up and some photoshop to uglify yourself into an online ad. I doubt the woman in the picture ever looked this way when she could not sleep through the night. The photo itself might make you not sleep through the night but I think that is a little exaggeration. The stare get us to look closer and pay attention so it is debatable whether this indeed could count an UOA (ugly online ad.) Next is a much more distiburbing image. The Hulk was finally cured but kept all his bulk. Getting buff ads have been popular since the old pulp fiction days. Looks like they are trying to break into the online world in a bulky way. This speciment of a man only confounds me. What on earth could  you do with all that muscal matter. I mean this guy needs something like a XXXL shirt. Anything else will burst at the seams. He certainly could pass as a super hero. Maybe an X-Man hanger on. "But Dr. Xavier I'm not like all the lik...