The Royce Files

Scene 5- Gil T. Robot This robot (or should I say android) has a penchant for entering people's home and drinking their beer. This robot was caught in Phil's garage attempting to pilfer any beer. Unfortunately the robot ended up drinking diesel and picked up a slight flutter. He began berating us for getting him lost and marooned in a garage then warned us to not trust any little hooded creatures. Phil directed the robot into the closet. Eventually, Gil left but not after making a sparkling mess everywhere. He also doubled as Treepio in my part of Star Wars: Uncut. But that's another story, far, far away. There might be more dastardly disguises coming but that will depend on whether I go out tonight searching for them.

Scene 4 of the continuing series of dastardly disguises. And now scene 4- Dr. Hitech Though some may call him a mad scientist that is not entirely accurate. He is just mad at science. He tries the bend the rules but they just don't want to bend. Like his x-ray vision device he is holding. It's nothing but a bunch of plastic and an old Mountain Dew bottle. Probably the only thing you have to worry about from him is an accident. And you can't predict accidents. If you run into Dr. Hitech make sure you keep a safe distance.

Now for the 3rd installment of Dastardly Disguises. Scene 3- Chauncey the Hit Clown These days clowns don't get much respect. However, this clown does. Chauncey the Hit Man does freelance work for the mob ever since his fortunes under the big top went south. I've been told Chauncey only carries a toy gun and instead uses bad jokes and gags to get even with the people who have crossed his employers. Chauncey knows 3 kinds of mime and has tickled victims into submission. He favorite drink is the Lon Chaney, straight up, one cube of ice. He frequents rodeos where he attempts to recruit henchclowns.

When you prowl around the Pontiac Chieftain barefoot, you may want to stay out of the trunk. Its liable to close suddenly and unexpectedly upon your body. Ouch! Sort of reminds me of the scene from Back to the Future where Marty was thrown in the trunk. Of course he was fully inside but you get the idea. It's a really large trunk. You could fit many people in there if you desired which I do not. That's not my kind of gig. Instead we fit chairs, a cooler, a spare tire, umbrellas, and a table in there. Up front there is space for some fair young ladies and a backseat for another cache of friends, relatives, or acquaintances. The 1951 Chieftain is rare according to my non-scientific study of car shows. Usually you will find maybe 1 or even 2 of this model. In fact pre-muscle Pontiacs are scarce on the car show scene too. I usually end up photographing the Pontiacs at the shows. At the behemoth Back to the Fifties, I think I may have maxed out at a dozen out of something like 1151...

The second installment of the disguises series. New one everyday until the Eve of Hallows. Today- Disco King. The Disco King is a leader of a rogue organization - The 70's Preservation Society- which is bent on utilizing disco terrorism to control the world. The Disco King rules from his lair deep below the surface of an Andy Warhol warehouse. The King captures intelligent individuals and makes them create intricate maps of transit systems and walkways of major world cities. Utilizing a hypnotic disco beat he lures unsuspecting individuals to the the lair. The sounds of the Bee Gees, Village People, Boys Town Gang, and Rose Royce play constantly ensuring captives do not escape and makes for a pretty mean dance party.

The following series is a collection of disguises that could be used for the upcoming day of disguising. There will be short blurb about the character and perhaps even a description of the attire. Scene 1: Luchadorvis He scrambled through the apartment looking for Rey Mysterio but instead gave me the piledrive and raided my fridge of bananas and peanut butter. He left singing "Are you lonesome tonight" but not before applying the double claw on my wearied body. Some would say this is the reincarnated Honky Tonk Man with his Elvis-like jump suit. However, this grappler doesn't want the attention a pompadour will bring and masks his visage.

I t's a mid-fall break for me and once again I am up at Breezy Point- Captain Billy's north woods play land. Actually it's been quite a few years since the place has been known as such. Captain Billy was a publishing magnate as far as I can tell. One of his publishing holdings originated Captain Marvel and published the magazine Woman's Day in addition printing paperback novels. Today Fawcett is nearly forgotten except for the affections of history buffs and collectors. I own one Fawcett comic based on the TV show Emergency! I think the comic arm was eventually sold to DC. Enough with the past and on with the present. The last few times I've been at Breezy, I played golf. This week was no different. Weather improved dramatically on the weekend and my father and I hit the links twice. And on this occasion I had my own set of clubs. These clubs were obtained through my various thrift store shopping escapades. It is an incomplete set but has enough to get by. I playe...

This one's a hard one primarily because it is known in the US today as something else. Thomas Carling began homebrewing in 1818 in London, Ontario, Canada. In 1840 he built a brewery. In 1898 a Cleveland brewery purchases the rights to brew the Carling lager. Black Label beer slowly gets nationwide distribution. "Hey Mabel! Black Label." was a popular marketing slogan during one period. Eventually through numerous ownership changes this brand of beer is just known as Carling. What I didn't know was that this lager originated in Canada and not England. This brand is all over in Britain. They are shirt sponsors for the Old Firm- football teams Glasgow Celtic and Rangers. It seems as if this label's Canadian influence has been forgotten. Molson Coors owns the label (now called Carling) but they seem to market it as an import from England. Phil probably dislikes this kind of pretenion from a beer. Our sign, however, comes from the Heileman ownership days when it was...

Some friends and I were browsing an antique store last weekend and came across an interesting find. The discovery itself was not the tome by Dr. Peter Steincrohn. We had a good laugh trying to discern why this doctor wrote such a book. Most assumed it contained messages of which would divert the reader from suicide. Likely conclusion given the book's title, How to Stop Killing Yourself. Another idea assailed that it was a work of fiction about lonely people who eventually fall in love. Must not have sold many copies. The title is just not romantic enough. Eventually, the a hand written for shrimp cocktail caught our attention. Let me relate it to you: Mozola oil, chopped onions, salt. Mix with shrimp and chill. Simple enough. However, how did this recipe come to be written on the inside cover of this book? One could speculate that perhaps this work is non-fiction and one way to stop killing yourself would be to change your diet. Thus, I assume the author may advocate eating shrimp...

As a wilderness canoeing enthusiast I usually salivate over gear. Well, this huge piece of gear, the world's largest Duluth Pack , was displayed at the Minnesota State Fair. I think it holds about 39, 776 cubic inches. However, I bet it would be totally uncomfortable to portage except on the shortest of portages. It would require at least 2 people to lug this thing. Coming up this fall, I'll be relating this summer's solo canoe adventure during which I took with a much smaller Kondos portage pack. Also, if time permits, more belated State Fair tidbits.

I shop pawn shops from time to time. Ok, I usually stop in once a week if I have time. I've gotten a bike, some tools, a Xbox, and a few musical instruments by perusing the pawned goods. It's pretty rare you see an odd instrument in a pawn shop. Sure there's guitars, basses, even a random banjo from time to time but a ukulele? Maybe pawn shops in Hawaii. Well, I stopped by a local pawn shop and spied this guy- a baritone ukulele. I got it for $10. It needs strings and a minor repair but I won't let that detract from this bargain. Hopefully I can get it ready to go and do a few songs for the Net.