Vader Teaches Math

The following is a fictional account of a fictional character concerning a real item that I unearthed in a real store recently. 

In between his debut on the big screen and he periodic returns, Mr. Vader acquired a math teaching licensure from an online correspondence school. I think it may have been Southern Dakota University since the Dark Lord of the Sith has been rather evasive when it came describing to his additional training. His LinkedIn just lists a SDU with coursework listed as "Maths." 

Following that educational turn, Darth took a position as a Youngling Numeric Inquistator at the Dantooine Force Institute for two terms. Scant records exist of his time at the Institute because months following his dismissal, the school mysteriously disappeared from all charts. Literally obliterated from existance. One mech droid was uncovered years later and scanned. From that scan a few Vader records were recovered. The Institure was impressed with Darth's wielding of maths but they found his classroom instructional skills lacking. He received a reprimand for force choking a student during the first term when the student was unable to compare the number of rebels to the number of imperial troopers on Yavin.

Years later, during the earth pandemic of the early 2020s, Vader the math teacher reappeared. From what we know from some his aquaintences in the 501st, he had been in employment at Disney but had been dismissed due to his refusal to work with prop light sabers and demanding the castmembers address him as Lord Vader. Then he complained that he needed a security detail of a dozen stormtroopers and that Disney needed to make a series just about him. Months after his firing and with schools on lockdown or closed entirely, Vader did the unimaginable- he released a math book for 1st graders. Seems a bit odd considering his history.

In an interview following the release of the book, Vader stated he was a passionate supporter of childhood math education and that his new book had galactic implications.

"The Emperor foresaw that strong mathematical skills lead to ultimate galactic power. I have grown impatient with stormtroopers miscalculating blaster trajectories and generals misplotting hyperspace jumps. Do not underestimate the power of the maths."

A promotional video for the book shows Vader leading a class in math exercises. The students flub some addition and subtraction problems. Vader confronts them, "I find your lack of math skills disturbing." Then, using the force, he drops his new math books on the students' desks. "I suggest you swiftly review page 12 through 22." Vader demands, "Do not underestimate the power of math...or the Force."

So far, the book has sold fairly well but no word yet if Vader intends to release Force Grade Math. Maybe me might just bolt it into the curriculum.